| Friday, July 04, 2008 |
| 2 YEARS |
Today marks 2 years since the bwins officially became ours. This was the day that the judge said, "Da". Looking back, the whole experience seems so different at this point.
Two days ago, we sat in a child psychologist's office and she told us about our boys' diagnosis. After spending 5 hours each testing with her, she read over the results. She determined a good amount of brain damage, irreparable damage. In many areas, the boys scored in the first percentile for their age group, meaning that they are in the lowest possible grouping. One area even ranked 1 year old 10 months development. Their IQs were 80 and 83, not good at all, but not the worst. They just have many processing problems. She gave them a pFAS diagnosis. It is full blown FAS, minus one or two facial markers. Here is a definition from Wikipedia:
Partial FAS (PFAS)
Previously known as Atypical FAS in the 1997 edition of the "4-Digit Diagnostic Code," patients with Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome have a confirmed history of prenatal alcohol exposure, but may lack growth deficiency or the complete facial stigmata. Central nervous system damage is present at the same level as FAS. These individuals have the same functional disabilities but "look" less like FAS.
The following criteria must be fully met for a diagnosis of Partial FAS :
1. Growth deficiency - Growth or height may range from normal to deficient
2. FAS facial features - Two or three FAS facial features present
3. Central nervous system damage - Clinically significant structural, neurological, or functional impairment in three or more of the Ten Brain Domains
4. Prenatal alcohol exposure - Confirmed prenatal alcohol exposure
She suggested other doctors to go see for certain problems that they have. She also gave us many ideas about activities to help them in their weak areas. Basically, it is going to be a long road full of understanding and repetitions. She said there's no way to know about their future- whether they will ever be able to leave the home, get a job, hold down a job, etc.
On the flip side, and the one we will focus on, she identified some strengths. They scored at age level on one test and above age level on another. They also scored mid-Kindergarten on their actual knowledge, not learning ability. She said she could tell that they had been really worked with. She also commented that although they probably had some minor attachment problems, she felt that they had good bonds with us. She said she could tell they were loved.
This doctor was a gift from God. She told us that she has tested over 200 FASD kids. Only 5 had a complete FAS diagnosis. She shared many stories with us to explain problems we may face in the future, how to handle them, and basically said that she thought we were giving them the best shot at life. We absolutely loved her and she loved the boys.
As far as their future goes, I know WHO holds that. It is all in His hands. Looking back on two years ago, I know we didn't know what we were getting into, how it would eventually affect our family, the enormity of what we were taking on at that time. What I do know is that the events that took place leading up to these boys becoming our sons were nothing but God events. Therefore, all I can conclude is that He chose this for us and He has a plan. We will work at it with all of our might as if working for Him, taking care of the precious blessings He has placed in our life.
The day we got the results, L kept coming to me, looking me in the eye deeply, and grinning. Eventually, he would say, "Mom, I love you." At the end of the day, when D was putting them to bed, he came to me and said it again. As he was walking away, he turned around and said, "Mom, tomorrow I'm going to tell you I love you again." He continued to yell, "Mom, I love you," even after being put to bed. I don't know why God chose that day for L to be repetitive about that. He repeats many things, all day long, every minute of every day. Sometimes it can be quite bothersome. However, not that day, not those words.
Thank you God for the very small boys that you brought into our lives two years ago. Thank you for the very big blessings they are to us.
Bwins, Mama loves you and I'm glad you're forever home (no matter how long that means).
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posted by 6blessings @ 5:55 AM  |
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| 11 Comments: |
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What a wonderful and accepting attitude you have. Slugger's diagnosis is FAE -- another of the diagnoses on the FAS spectrum. He has normal IQ and doesn't have the facial features of FAS. However, he has brain impairment due to his exposure to alcohol. One of my biggest worries is Slugger's lack of empathy and his shaky understanding of cause and effect.
It's a scary thing, but all we can do as parents is accept our kids for who they are and understand their limitations. But we can also continually work with them to try to break through those mental barriers and teach them. Things that come naturally to others will have to be taught to our kids. Those wires need to be reconnected.
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That had to be very hard news to hear. Your family is fortunate to have found each other, and I know you'll do everything in your power to help the Bwins heal and grow. My thoughts are with you as you process this diagnosis and prepare for the move to Asia.
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Kim, I'm so glad that you were able to find this wonderful doctor that examined your sons so fully. What a scary diagnosis, but I am glad that there are positive aspects to it.
You are right, that every step toward getting the boys was a 'God event', and that you just need to go with it. That is exactly how I feel about adopting M. We don't know what the future brings (even with our own bio children). But we do know that we have the most joy when we are doing what God wants us to do.
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You had me crying. I hear what you are saying. I am on that path soon myself. It is scary, but I know you have the strenght and the love to help these boys succeed
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It is a God thing that those boys came home to your family. You have the attitude and love that they need to help them through this diagnosis. And that's all it is a diagnosis, only God knows what the bwins are capable of.
You love and hard work has already shown in the postive reports.
I'm glad that you found a doctor that helped so well. I hope she is willing to consult with you while you are overseas.
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God bless you Kim, and God bless those boys.
I'm so glad He sent you this doctor to offer you understanding about the boys and their challenges and give you hope for their future. I knew all along that your care and love would be evident to the experts. It is obvious to the rest of us as well!
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Bless the Lord for your willingness to follow Him in this time. What's that verse? "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." Prov. 3:5&6 Praise the Lord for His goodness. The Lord bless as you are His servants. He is the God who heals. Your trust in Him is very encouraging! He will stay with you!
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You are such a gift to these boys! I have said a prayer for you.
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What a blessing to have met this doctor and to have some vision and some concrete activities to do before you leave!
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I am a long time lurker and was crying too, crying that the boys birth mother did this to them and the poor mites had no choice. I wish you all the best for the future and will pray for you and your family. I hope you continue to post from China:)
Renia in Munich
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HI, I just found your blog,not even sure which one I came to it from. Our DD we adopted at age 4 from Russia, she has been home 16months.We are in the process of having her IQ tested,due to the lack of "getting it" as weird as that sounds. She has no FAS facial features but some other issues are there.I was wondering what they did to test your boys? They have decided that they could not do to much yet becasue she still does not have a good understanding of the English language,but can speak it very well.Hope that makes sense, anyway any info that you caould share would be much appriciated.
Kelly
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What a wonderful and accepting attitude you have. Slugger's diagnosis is FAE -- another of the diagnoses on the FAS spectrum. He has normal IQ and doesn't have the facial features of FAS. However, he has brain impairment due to his exposure to alcohol. One of my biggest worries is Slugger's lack of empathy and his shaky understanding of cause and effect.
It's a scary thing, but all we can do as parents is accept our kids for who they are and understand their limitations. But we can also continually work with them to try to break through those mental barriers and teach them. Things that come naturally to others will have to be taught to our kids. Those wires need to be reconnected.