Russian Adoption Diary: Grief

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Grief

Thanks to all the bloggy world for your support and prayer. I seem to be doing better today. I realized that Sunday when I walked into church service was the first day that I had been without any of my kids. (They have their own service.) I think I just let down. Now I'm busy all day long again. In a way it is a blessing. I homeschool my four children during the day- a 6th grader, two 2nd graders, and a Kindergartener. Then, in the evenings I coach my daughters' competitive gymnastics team. In between, I stay busy with household chores and office work. The weekends are the only time I might have few extra minutes, as long as we don't have any competitions or other activities.

Anyway, at the gym last night, I had an interesting discussion with one of the parents of a little girl I coach. He is a sociology professor. We talked for the first time briefly about losing the boys. He said I was grieving. (I knew that.) He said he used to do grief counseling and asked if he could share an illustration. It was really good and explained a lot of how I was feeling. I thought I'd share it with all of you because we all have grief. Some of you are grieving for the same reason I am, some of you have other kinds of grief. We all grieve.

He said he compared grief to the waves of the ocean. Sometimes the waves come crashing hard upon the shore and we are covered in our grief. Sometimes the waves aren't so strong. Sometimes they hit us out of the blue, unexpected, possibly years later. But every time the waves come crashing in, they wash away a little bit of the pain so we can get back up and go on. The pain may never go away, but it becomes more bearable.

I thought this was an interesting analogy. It certainly explains why I can be coasting along so well and then just crash. Anyway, I just thought maybe some of you out there might find relevance in the comparison. I'm coming off of a big wave, picking myself back up, and skipping along the shore again for a while. Actually, I believe God picks me back up and gets me going again. I think that is due in part to all of your prayers. Thank you.

By the way, we have decided to continue on this crazy journey called adoption. When we found out that we lost the boys, we also found out that we are completely ready for travel. They had not told us because they were waiting to find out the status of the boys. Our agent is supposed to be sending us some new profiles this week to look at. One of our little girls has been having a really rough time with this loss. What we have been telling her is that someone needs us more than they did. They had family to come get them, but there are other children who don't have anyone to love them and bring them home. We are praying that God would show us who needs us and who we need.

posted by 6blessings @ 6:06 AM

7 Comments:

At 8:41 AM, Elle said…

I am so glad to hear that you are moving forward.

You know where to find me if you ever crash again.
At 9:22 AM, Jennefer said…

I am so glad that you are continuing on with the adoption. I know it must be hard to switch gears and consider a new child, but I am glad you are giving another child or children a chance.

Sometimes focusing on something like the waves crashing and washing away your pain is really helpful. For me, when I am really upset about something or sick or miserable beyond my control I close my eyes and imagine Christ on the cross (not in pain- more symbolically) and I am lifting my heavy load in the form of huge rocks and dropping them at His feet. I keep repeating this- carrying more rocks. When the pain is really strong the rock is bigger and heavier, but it is such a relief to give it to Jesus and let Him carry my pain and my struggle and replace it with peace in my heart as I walk away.
At 1:36 PM, Rhonda said…

Great explanation of grief. I think I'll pass that onto my Mom, she has been grieving over the loss of her Dad (as have I). I think that is really helpful because she and I both do the "crash" thing too.

So glad to see you're continuing onward.
At 4:16 PM, Maggie said…

That's a beautiful perspective, Kim. And the waves crashing are a perfect analogy.

I, too, am glad that you've decided to continue pursuing an adoption.
At 4:45 PM, Gaye and Andrew said…

Hi Kim...thanks for posting on our blog and for your well wishes :) I am glad to hear that you are moving forward...thinking about you. Glad to have another adoption blogger friend :) gaye
At 6:54 PM, A Room to Grow said…

I have nothing to say except that I'm thinking of you and look forward to checking in with you...
At 8:34 AM, kirsten said…

i found your blog through unexpected miracles. i am so touched by everything you have shared. my husband and i are in the process of adopting and could not have done any of it were it not for the love of Christ and the guidance of our Father. thank you for being so open about your feelings and what you are learning on your journey. thank you more for being so open about your faith. i am sorry for your recent loss. i will be praying for your healing. keep riding the waves and trusting in the Lord!

kirsten