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| Wednesday, April 05, 2006 |
| Catch Up |
Ok, I'll try to catch everyone up. My heart is about to jump out of my chest in overload trying to get ready for this trip. My already busy life just got put into super overdrive. In addition to all of this stuff, I am in the middle of preparing my gymnastics team for Sectionals, the State qualifying meet which is this Friday and Saturday. Yes, I will be gone all day those two days, no time for packing and planning then.
Anyway, back on the subject. As most of you know, last Thursday we got sent some new referrals. At first, it was difficult. None of them were what I expected. I think I was just still grieving the little ones we lost. Nothing else was good. In addition, I had really wanted a little one/little ones to cuddle and hold. These children were older. We quickly ruled out two of them and focused in on a new referral of twins. We did not expect them to send us more twins. They seemed to think that is what we wanted.
Damon was immediately drawn to them, I think even more so than the ones we had lost. Their picture was so sad. It was black and white, and their eyes were so empty. It looked like a Holocaust picture. The picture we had of the other twins was in color, cute, etc. I had printed it out and put it by my bedside. This new picture was not one I wanted to look at often, nor print out. Damon was very patient with me. He kept telling me we were in this together and if I was no comfortable, we would just wait.
Throughout the course of Friday and Saturday, my mind was a battle zone. Here's some of what went on inside my head.
Me: "But God, I wanted a little one to hold and cuddle".
God: "You followed my call to adopt when you thought you were getting little cuddly ones, how about now?"
Me: "But God, the language barrier will be so much harder at this age."
God: "I can handle anything."
Me: "But God, they are old enough to remember the orphanage, maybe even their mother. I didn't want to deal with all of that. My hands are already full with the four children I have."
God: "My strength is made perfect in your weakness. I will sustain you."
Me: "But God, they have medical issues and aren't healthy. "
God: "They are my children. I will take care of everything!"
Slowly the conversation became more like this:
Me: "God, change my desires to your desires."
God: "I love you child."
Me: "God, give my heart total peace if this is the direction we are to go."
God: "I will give you peace that passes all understanding."
Me: "God, these boys need a lot of love and I want to give it to them."
God: "I will fill your cup overflowing with enough."
By Saturday evening when I went to bed, I felt the awesome peace of God rush over me. On Sunday morning, my desire for little ones was gone, even when we taught our two-year old Sunday School class.
One of the boys had several medical issues that we were still unsure about. We were waiting on a medical update. However, we decided that we were going to accept the referral regardless of what the agency told us about his health. It ends up that they think he has a small hole in his heart between the atria. A pediatrician we know told us we wouldn't know exactly what the "noises in the heart" were until we got him home and ran tests. In the picture, he had a small tube coming out his nose and taped to his cheek. We found out that he had swallowed laundry detergent and had burned his esophogus. They were treating him for scarring and pain in the esophogus. The tube is now gone and supposedly, he is eating and swallowing okay now.
So, here we are. 9 days away from travel! We were originally going to Kemerovo, but are now going to Stavropol. Therefore, we have some new documents to redo and notarize and apostille, along with packing 2 adults for travel and 4 kids for grandma's. We leave on the 14th and will return on the 20th. Therefore, the Easter bunny has some packing to do too!! :)
God was so gracious and patient with me over this last weekend. I am truly beginning to see His "bigger picture". I will share more on that at a later time. Right now, I have some papers to fill out! :) |
posted by 6blessings @ 5:48 AM  |
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| 6 Comments: |
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God's grace is an awesome thing.
I know the feeling of not printing the photos to look at. I still have not printed Pickle's photo.
Follow where He leads. He will not lead you astray.
"The Lord won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -Mother Teresa
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I was so afraid of the language barrier, but it's not as hard as you would think. Peanut and I learned how to communicate right away. Lots of pantomime helps the point get across.
I'm glad you found peace with this decision.
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Beautiful post. It made me cry. I often have that same prayer: "God, change my desires to your desires." I find the more I act upon what God wants me to do, the more direction and peace I feel. It is not always easy though. You have a big heart and I know those kids will be really blessed to be in your family.
I suggest getting point cards to help with communication at first. Your child can just point to a picture to tell you what they want. The site is here: http://www.safetycentral.com/safetycentral/kwikpoinintr.html
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For some reason blogger is cutting off the last letters of the site URL I just gave you for the point cards. I tried several times to put it in right and it cuts it off everytime. You just need to add tr.html to the end of that site URL for it to work (no spaces of course)
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God's grace is an awesome thing.
I know the feeling of not printing the photos to look at. I still have not printed Pickle's photo.
Follow where He leads. He will not lead you astray.
"The Lord won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much." -Mother Teresa