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| Friday, March 31, 2006 |
| New Referrals |
Our agency sent us some new referrals yesterday. Two were in the same region we were going to before and the other is in a totally different area of Russia. We have ruled out one, probably two, and are getting more details on the third. Of course, the one we are considering is the one that is in a different area. They say that all of our paperwork will transfer just fine.
This whole adoption adventure never ceases to amaze me. Just when we think we have it all figured out, God has other plans. The children we lost were two years old. After losing them, we kept talking about how nice it would be to have one a little smaller even, a one year old. It would be easier on the language side of things, memory of the orphanage, etc. However, if we've learned anything, it is that God's plans are different than ours a lot of times. There are many verses in the Bible that address this issue. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." (Proverbs 19:21) "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) " 'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.' " The children we are looking at are older and have been in the orphanage a fairly long time. They are old enough that their language skills are fully established and they will definitely have memories of the orphanage.
One seems to have some medical issues that we are checking on. In the meantime, we are praying for God's direction in this matter. It is not exactly the path we thought we were heading down. However, just as when this whole thing started, our one goal is just to do what God wants us to do. If this is it, then we want to be obedient. Please pray for us as we decide what to do. |
posted by 6blessings @ 6:48 AM  |
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| Tuesday, March 28, 2006 |
| Grief |
Thanks to all the bloggy world for your support and prayer. I seem to be doing better today. I realized that Sunday when I walked into church service was the first day that I had been without any of my kids. (They have their own service.) I think I just let down. Now I'm busy all day long again. In a way it is a blessing. I homeschool my four children during the day- a 6th grader, two 2nd graders, and a Kindergartener. Then, in the evenings I coach my daughters' competitive gymnastics team. In between, I stay busy with household chores and office work. The weekends are the only time I might have few extra minutes, as long as we don't have any competitions or other activities.
Anyway, at the gym last night, I had an interesting discussion with one of the parents of a little girl I coach. He is a sociology professor. We talked for the first time briefly about losing the boys. He said I was grieving. (I knew that.) He said he used to do grief counseling and asked if he could share an illustration. It was really good and explained a lot of how I was feeling. I thought I'd share it with all of you because we all have grief. Some of you are grieving for the same reason I am, some of you have other kinds of grief. We all grieve.
He said he compared grief to the waves of the ocean. Sometimes the waves come crashing hard upon the shore and we are covered in our grief. Sometimes the waves aren't so strong. Sometimes they hit us out of the blue, unexpected, possibly years later. But every time the waves come crashing in, they wash away a little bit of the pain so we can get back up and go on. The pain may never go away, but it becomes more bearable.
I thought this was an interesting analogy. It certainly explains why I can be coasting along so well and then just crash. Anyway, I just thought maybe some of you out there might find relevance in the comparison. I'm coming off of a big wave, picking myself back up, and skipping along the shore again for a while. Actually, I believe God picks me back up and gets me going again. I think that is due in part to all of your prayers. Thank you.
By the way, we have decided to continue on this crazy journey called adoption. When we found out that we lost the boys, we also found out that we are completely ready for travel. They had not told us because they were waiting to find out the status of the boys. Our agent is supposed to be sending us some new profiles this week to look at. One of our little girls has been having a really rough time with this loss. What we have been telling her is that someone needs us more than they did. They had family to come get them, but there are other children who don't have anyone to love them and bring them home. We are praying that God would show us who needs us and who we need. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 6:06 AM |
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| Sunday, March 26, 2006 |
| For God So Loved the World |
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16
I have said that verse and have known it by memory since I was a very small child. All of my children, except maybe the youngest, can repeat it. However, it took on new meaning this week. Damon and I teach a 2 year old Sunday School class on Sunday mornings. Because of the events that occured this week, I didn't study my lesson until Saturday night. As I skimmed through quickly, I noted supplies I would need, songs we would sing, etc. Then there was a special note to teachers. It said to really read back over the verse for the day- John 3:16. They said to see it in a new light. Sometimes the familiar can jump out in a bold new way.
That's what happened to me. First of all, I knew what losing a son felt like for the first time. I had no control over it and wouldn't have chosen for it to happen. In comparison, God willingly gave up His Son. The reason "why" became the second point that stood out to me more than ever before. "Why?" Because He loved me. He knew what was best for the world, His children. Therefore, He sacrificed what was most precious to Him for us. When we spent 5 days in limbo, not knowing where the boys where at, the one thing we prayed was for God's best for them. We gave up our hopes and dreams of bringing them home for whatever was best for them. Yes, that showed how much we loved them. How much more does it show God's love for us that He would sacrifice His own Son for us!
Today has been incredibly hard, the hardest yet. I feel as if no one around me understands what I'm going through or even cares. We haven't heard from some of our close family members or friends since the day we called and told them what had happened almost a week ago. Some people seem to be playing the "avoidance game", like that really helps. Some smile and talk about other things and act like they don't even know what we are going through, even though we know they do. In defense of the few that have cared to check on us, call us, give us a hug, thank you. I know you may not understand how we feel, but at least you are showing you care.
Even after saying and feeling all of that, this verse reminds me that there is One who cares and One who really does understand. This simple childhood verse that most church-going people can quote now has new meaning and new light in my life. I hope it touches yours somehow. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 7:41 PM |
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| Tuesday, March 21, 2006 |
| Miscarriage |
 
Well, we received word today that our boys will never be ours. They are gone for good. In a previous post I had compared adoption to pregnancy. Now I have a new comparison. I feel as if I have just miscarried. I have never had a miscarriage, so I'm sure this is not totally accurate. However, for six months I have carried these boys, not in my womb, but in my heart, and now I have lost them forever.
I feel peace however about the whole situation. They have been taken in by their grandmother. She had been unable to care for them before and has been working to get to that position. She has applied for full parental rights and will be granted them.
Since we found out 5 days ago that this was a possiblity, I have been on my knees a lot and have been buried in the Word of God. I had experienced a peace about their situation that was very comforting. I didn't know what the outcome was going to be, but I knew that God had them in His hands. You see, I loved them like my own children, but God loves them even more. He knows what is best for each one of us and watches out for each of His children. These little guys are planted firmly in His very capable hands. The pain for us is deep, but beauty forms from pain. When God laid these little guys on our hearts, we prayed for them a lot. Maybe that's just what they needed to get them back home to their family.
Now we have to decide where we go from here. Please pray for us in this decision. We appreciate all who prayed for us over the past few months. We consider it an honor to be the "prayer parents" for these little boys. Their pictures will now go in my Bible, beside my wedding vows, and will stay there for as long as I live.
God Bless You Boys!! We love you and always will!! |
| posted by 6blessings @ 11:27 AM |
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| Saturday, March 18, 2006 |
| Defender of the Helpless and Fatherless |
I just wanted to update my last posting. We still don't know exactly where they are or what kind of situation they are in at all. Apparently, the orphanage knows something and the DoE knows something. They just have confidentiality rules that our agency has to accept. I guess it was kind of a freak thing that they even found out they were gone. The coordinator was at the orphanage picking up a child for a couple who had just been to court. The caseworker didn't see the boys and asked where they were. They only response they were given is that they were in a foster care situation.
Apparently the Russian government is trying to set up some kind of foster care system to help deal with their overflowing orphanages. In the last month or so they have raised the salary for foster parents, causing a big surge in the number of foster homes. Margaret, I have not heard the word "patranot" used. However, our agent said it was all so new. She doesn't really know much about it.
Next week they have to go to the DoE and request the information about the boys, where they are and who they are with (Russian family, their family, etc.). She said if it was their own blood relatives, we probably won't get them. If it is another Russian family and they aren't considering adopting them, then we might still have a chance. She doesn't really know.
I am, of course, very upset about the possibility that we've lost them. However, my biggest concern right now is for their safety and well-being. I knew they would be taken care of at the orphanage because we have heard great things about it through others who have been there. Now, I don't know what kind of people have them or what their environment is like. Obviously, a raise in salary for foster parents could bring out both the good and the bad alike. It could provide a way for someone to help who truly loved children and wanted to help the orphanages, but couldn't before. It could also bring out money-grubbing people who just want the cash and don't care anything for the kids. That is my fear.
I have read a lot in my Bible over the past few days. The biggest thing God impressed upon my heart this morning is that He is the defender of the weak, the fatherless, the poor, and the helpless (Psalm 10:12-18, Psalm 68:5-6, Psalm 146) . My biggest prayer right now is that He would be their Protector and Defender. They are the helpless ones He speaks about in His Word. I have grown to love these children enough that I just want the best for them. If it is at home with us, then that would be awesome. If it is with family in Russia, then okay. I just pray that God's will would be done and He would be their Defender and Protector.
Our caseworker said it may be the end of next week or longer before we know. Please keep us in your prayers as we wait for word, not for travel, but for our future. It has been very difficult. Thanks to all of you for your support and prayers. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 8:39 AM |
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| Friday, March 17, 2006 |
| Missing |
Missing? Our boys are missing. They are somewhere in Russia, but not at the orphanage. This is our most recent news. Boy, did it knock me over! Our dossier is in the process of being reviewed and a letter of invitation being extended. In the meantime, our in-country coordinator decided to check up on them at the orphanage, seeing as how we were supposed to travel and be there to meet them the first week of April. Well, the orphanage tells her that the boys aren't there. They are in some sort of foster situation, family or just another Russian family. We don't know and apparently they don't either. Our agent emailed us informing us of this last night. They are checking to see if it is permanent or temporary and asked if we were continuing with adoption, even if they weren't available. We are heading into the weekend with no news. The Russian offices are closed already and we haven't hear anything. I guess we will endure a tortuous weekend of wondering, maybe longer.
I have cried off and on, not sure of what to do. I got the news alone because Damon was at the NCAA National Wrestling Tournament. When he got home, I showed him the email. He has been good to comfort me and keep my mind from wandering too much. He keeps telling me I've got too many questions that aren't ready to be answered. I asked him if he knew what was going to happen. He said, "No," at first and then said, "Yes." He said, "All things are going to work for good." That is a verse from the Bible that promises believers that God will work all things for good to those who love Him. I told him he was right and have settled down a little. I know all of those things in my heart. I know God will be faithful. The thoughts of pain just creep in and torment. I have to believe and trust the One I know will take care of all things. We would certainly covet any prayers you may have for us at this time. Derek and Lisa, we are still praying for you too. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 5:11 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 15, 2006 |
| Prayer Request |
| I just want to put in a prayer request for anyone who reads this blog. A fellow adoption blogger and her husband just found out that their son is no longer available. She has been such a help to me on this journey and has been through so many bumps in the road already. I can't imagine the pain they are going through. They held him last June and had done everything they needed to do. They were just waiting to bring him home. Please pray for peace, comfort, and direction for them. Derek and Lisa, you are in our prayers. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 7:05 AM |
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| Friday, March 10, 2006 |
| DoE Day/Labor Pains |
Well, the paperwork has gone to the DoE today. I have people praying everywhere that the papers are right on top of his/her "to do" list. You know how it is after vacation. There's a ton of work. You start with the most urgent/priority items and work your way down. Well, I know that our adoption is not probably priority to him/her, but it is to the Lord. We are praying that it moves across his/her desk quickly and we know something very soon. I feel like I'm living on pins and needles all of a sudden, waiting on a call to travel. It's kind of like waiting to go into labor. The only difference is with Russian adoption, you have to go into labor twice (and who knows how long in between). :-) Some of you have been living in this zone for a long time, you are amazing!!
For those of you have never birthed a child but are on the adoption adventure, there are so many similarities. At first, there's not too much to do. Life seems pretty normal while you take care of a few things. The whole idea is pretty new. Then you find out the home study agency is coming. You begin "nesting". You clean your house furiously and meticulously trying to get ready. Then you have a period of rest when you are waiting for INS, HS agency, etc. Then there is a flurry of late nights and running everywhere preparing. With a pregnancy, your body is uncomfortable, you don't sleep well at night, and you're running to doctor's appointments every two weeks. With adoption, you are filling out post placement agreements, registration obligations, gathering birth certificates, marriage certificates, filling out financial paperwork, etc. You're running everywhere getting papers notarized and apostilled, getting fingerprints, police clearance, and yes, going to the doctor. With pregnancy, you lose sleep because your body is uncomfortable and you pray that your baby will be born healthy with 10 fingers and 10 toes. With adoption, you loose sleep wondering if all of your paperwork will be approved, if your children are healthy in a country where it is below 0 most of the time, if they have been held that day and loved on, if they know momma is coming to get them. Then when the dossier is sent off it is just wait time. When you are pregnant, you can feel the baby kick you and stick their feet in your ribs. You have a hard time breathing. When you are adopting, you wish you could feel any piece of them. You wouldn't mind being kicked and poked. Sometimes you have a hard time breathing when you walk past their picture for the millionth time and you still don't have a call. Then the day comes, you go into labor. Your body works overtime pushing out a beautiful new human being. You lose many hours of sleep nursing and comforting in the middle of the night. With adoption, you get the call that changes your life. You hop on a plane and fly to the other side of the world, which is not just 1 or 2 time zones away, but a completely different day. You catch one plane to the next, without sleep, rest, or a shower. You get to see and hold your baby(ies) for a few short hours for a few short days. Then you whirlwind back to the other side of the world without them. Talk about sleep deprivation and having your days and nights mixed up! As a mother of four children (3 pregnancies), I could not imagine leaving them in the hospital and waiting weeks and months to be told to come back and get them. However, this is what adoptive parents do. I have not been through this portion of the journey yet, but I can only imagine how horrible it is. The praying I'm sure becomes more intense, the pain of separation a world away becomes worse, the sleepless nights become harder. Adoptive parents have to go into labor twice! Ugh! At the end of the journey, both adoptive parents and pregnant moms end up with the same result, beautiful children that the Lord has entrusted to them to raise for His glory. One's child is birthed in her body, one's child is birthed in her heart. Both are beautiful and truly special!
Many blessings to moms out there everywhere, whether by birth or by adoption. You are truly amazing. I pray daily for those of you adoptive parents waiting to "go into labor", whether it be for the first or second time on this adoption adventure. You are troopers!! Remember to lean on God when you have those "breathless" moments and remember what will come in the end.
Have a blessed day. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 7:21 AM |
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| Sunday, March 05, 2006 |
| Next Blogging Phase |
Well, I survived the gymnastics meet. We had a few little hitches, which are to be expected, but nothing major. My twin girls, Eden and Zion, did well in the competition. One of the Cagle girls was on first place in every event and Eden took the all-around title. The Cagle girls ruled. :) They are both built for gymnastics. They are 8 years old and weigh about 42 pounds. They are only as tall as most 6 year olds. I can never go by the age dosages on medication for them. I have to go by weight. My oldest daughter, Hannah, is also an excellent gymnast, but she has been out on an injury for almost a year.
By the way, my husband's name is Damon. I have finally figured out how to look at other blogs that are somehow linked to ours. Through reading some of these I realized I didn't ever have his name in ours, I only said "my husband". Sorry!! He is a wonderful husband and super dad to our four children. He is an attorney. He was an ADA for a while and now has his own private practice.
Well, I feel like I've moved into the next phase of adoption blogging. For a while, everything is about the adoption. Then you hit a waiting phase and what do you talk about? We will keep everyone posted on our status. There are many waiting families out there. We are praying for you. As my blogging abilities expand, maybe I'll finally figure how to link your blogs on my site, like you do mine on yours. Sorry, I'm all new to this. I do appreciate all of you, Lisa, Jen, and everyone else. You are great!! Thanks for the encouragement. |
| posted by 6blessings @ 5:42 AM |
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| Wednesday, March 01, 2006 |
| Waiting on DOE |
We just received word today that our papers have all been translated and are ready to go to the DOE. However, the person at the DOE is on vacation until the 10th. They can't get our papers to them until then. We are still hopeful for the early April date for our first trip. This could slow things down a little bit though. Please pray that we stay on target so we can claim the boys as ours.
Meanwhile, I am drowning in my job. I am a competitive gymnastics coach in the evenings. Our club is hosting a meet this weekend and I seem to have inherited a full load of the work. Boy, I didn't realize all that went into putting a competition on. We have over 200 kids entered in the meet, which is actually fairly small. However, in the middle of everything else, it's a little burdensome. Oh well, it will be over Saturday and I can focus on getting ready to travel.
I bought some clearance clothes for the boys this weekend at Kohl's. I am hesitant to get too much until I know how big they are. However, I got matching jammies, overalls, and shirts (I even got my 5 year old a matching one so he would feel included.). It was fun and very inexpensive since I shopped the clearance racks. We've got a little area started for them.
Financial update: We received a rejection notice from one of the grantors we applied to yesterday. We still believe He will provide.
Have a super week everyone. We'll keep you updated as we get information. Congratulations to all who have been reaccredited and have received letters of invitation and court dates!! How exciting!! |
| posted by 6blessings @ 2:33 PM |
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